At first these two points of view on sharing seem contradictory, but they're getting at two different aspects. First is to see that we don't do kids a favor by making them share what belongs to them. It takes away power in a world where they're already powerless. And second is to help them be social creatures, help them past the scary parts of sharing. My daughter feared that if she shared that she'd never get the toy back again and I helped her understand that the other child wouldn't keep it. Another aspect that isn't covered in the two posts but has been discussed many times is that when other kids are coming over to play, do honor kids' needs to put away toys that they don't want to share and then help them find the toys that they would like to share with others .

Angela S.

This is something that I struggle with. What then, do you say, when a child has a toy and doesn't want anyone else to play with it? My 7 yr old does that a lot. If one of her brothers is playing with one of her toys, she'll tell them "no, that's mine!". How do I handle that while honoring her feelings at the same time?

I think sharing is over rated when it comes to children. Would you share your car with just anyone? How about your laptop or a gift someone special gave you? Do you get to choose because it's yours or does someone else choose for you?

I have always allowed my children to have their own things and to have full ownership of those things. They almost always share with each other because they trust each other to care for their things the same way they would. I have to say they don't always share their special things well with little kids because little kids have broken their things many times. (can't say I blame them)

We don't bring special things to a public place anymore (learned that lesson) because it's often hard on the kids who want the things too. But we always have things we are willing to share and the kids share these things well. (baseballs and baseball bat, Frisbees, etc)

When children come to play at our house, my kids have the option of putting their special things out of sight. As they have gotten older and have more often chosen the company that is at our house, the things that get put away are fewer and fewer.

My kids are not selfish at all and they (esp. my youngest) really enjoys making people happy by sharing with them. She's the first to spend her own money on candy or small items for her friends.

Allowing your children control over their items doesn't equal selfish children. My kids are proof of that.

Sandra Dodd

I think sharing is over rated when it comes to children. Would you share your car with just anyone?

I share mine with my husband and kids. We've loaned cars to friends whose only car was in the shop, many times.

Allowing your children control over their items doesn't equal selfish children. My kids are proof of that.

There's control and there's forced sharing, and then there's a world in between.

If a baby Marty wanted to play with young-boy Kirby's thing, I would ask Kirby if there was a way Marty could play with it safely. We wouldn't just hand it off to Marty to do with as he wanted out in the yard. We'd both be there, and coach Marty on how to hold it or what was the breakable part. And I would be thinking of something more interesting so that after Marty's attention started to lag or Kirby started to feel nervous about it, I could say "Hey, Marty! Let's go do [whatever]."

So Marty wasn't pulled away from the toy and the toy wasn't pulled away from him, he got to play with it a little, in a safe way, and Kirby didn't have to feel bad feelings (guilt, resentment, etc.)

It was good for everyone.

I meant to add that some kids, feeling safe in their mom's rule that they don't have to share their stuff, cruelly flaunt that in the face of a kid who would DEARLY love to just hold that Barbie doll for just one moment. A rule like "you never have to share" can go against many principles.