Yes, but what is deschooling and how would I know if/when he's done?
I think you're looking for a date when you can expect to see him doing academic things. You're looking for you son to ease your and your husband's fears that he's not going to be prepared for life.
And I appreciate the links on video games, but I still just don't understand. Are you saying I should just let him do whatever he pleases for a month? six months?
Yes. But read at one of the suggested Resources [linked above] so you can get a feel for what unschooling is rather than what it isn't. You're filtering unschooling through what you know about school learning. Unschooling will come up short.
It's sort of like having only eaten at restaurants all your life. Then someone tells you about the concept of cooking at home. At first you'd see only the things you can't have: You mean no one will provide me with a list of dinners to choose from? You mean no one will bring it to my table? You mean I'd have to figure out what stuff goes into a dinner on the menu and figure out how to make it look and taste like what a waiter would bring me?
Schools do what they do not because it's best for kids' learning but because it's best for mass learning. Learning from textbooks, instruction in large classes, being locked away from life are all compromises in children's learning. They're done to make mass learning work.
Unschooling is a great deal more than academic learning. Unschooling supports kids in discovering what they like and dislike, what works and doesn't work for them. Right now, though, your son needs time to recover from being told what, when and how to do what others say is important. He needs to rediscover and trust what he thinks is important. But he needs to recover from school first.